No Place Like Home

Sabrina, The Teenage Witch

No Place Like Home

Written By – Dan Berendsen
Transcribed By – Paul Booth

Cast

Sabrina – Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda – Caroline Rhea
Zelda – Beth Broderick
Salem – Nick Bakay
Harvey – Nate Richert
Mr. Kraft – Martin Mull
Brad – Jon Huartas
Britney Spears – Britney Spears
Edward – Doug Sheehan
Gail – Jacqueline Shultz
Custodian – Jerry Hauck
Student – Jeremy Maxwell
Courtney – Holly Towne

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the ABC Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

Int. Spellman Kitchen. Zelda, Hilda and Their pet cat Salem are getting ready for a very special day.

Zelda- This is Sabrina’s eighteenth birthday party and I want everything to be perfect.

Hilda- Eighteen? I can’t believe it, she’ll be leaving home soon.

Zelda- Starting a whole new life, making new friends.

Dream A Little Dreama Me

Sabrina, The Teenage Witch

Dream A Little Dreama Me

Written By – Sheldon Bull
Transcribed By – Paul Booth

Cast

Sabrina – Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda – Caroline Rhea
Zelda – Beth Broderick
Salem – Nick Bakay
Harvey – Nate Richert
Mr. Kraft – Martin Mull
Dreama -China Shavers
Brad – Jon Huartas
Gretchen – Nicole Nieth
Billy – Paul Blake
John – Jordan Belfi
Shop Owner – Joe Ochman
Student – Wayne Randal Trask
Teacher – Ross Gottstein
6th Student – Russell Young

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the ABC Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina comes down the stairs past the Swiss cuckoo clock on the landing wall. The little wooden bird pops out giving it’s familiar call. ‘Cuckoo! Cuckoo!’ She checks her watch with a slight frown.

Sabrina- Thirteen o’clock? I’m late!

She hurries to the kitchen.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Zelda sits at the table reading the morning paper with a full and fruity breakfast laid out before her. Sabrina enters.

Sabrina- Aunt Zelda?… Aunt Zelda?

Her aunt doesn’t respond. She just keeps reading. Sabrina attempts to tap her on the shoulder but the invisible shield that surrounds her aunt shimmers at her touch leaving Zelda oblivious. Sabrina raps on the egg shaped shell and leans her weight against it causing Zelda to glance up from her paper.

Zelda- Oh!

A quick point and the force field is gone causing Sabrina to almost fall into her aunts lap.

Jealousy

Sabrina, The Teenage Witch

Jealousy

Written By – Frank Conniff
Transcribed By – Paul Booth

Cast

Sabrina – Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda – Caroline Rhea
Zelda – Beth Broderick
Salem – Nick Bakay
Harvey – Nate Richert
Mr. Kraft – Martin Mull
Brad – Jon Huartas
Wally – Gary Sandy
Tara Lipinski – Tara Lipinski
William Shakespeare – David Stifel
Emily Dickinson – Elyse Ashton
Mark Twain – Drew Wilson
Student – Kasie Kelly

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the ABC Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina is on the phone.

Sabrina- We need an article about the basketball squad and you’re just the guy to write it, Harvey… Don’t worry, it’ll be fun.

Salem- (Imitating) It’ll be fun. I need to use the phone, wrap it up lady.

Sabrina- Oh that’s just our lonely, crazy neighbor. He came over to borrow more tin-foil for his hat.

Little Orphan Hilda

Sabrina, The Teenage Witch

Little Orphan Hilda

Written By – Nick Bakay
Transcribed By – Paul Booth

Cast

Sabrina – Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda – Caroline Rhea
Zelda – Beth Broderick
Salem – Nick Bakay
Harvey – Nate Richert
Lydia – Shirley Jones
Customer – Andy Siegel
Pedestrian – Tom Fahn
Clerk – Audrey Wasilewski
City Inspector – Robert Noble

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the ABC Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

Int. Hickory Dickory Clock. Business is thriving… for the knock-off watch seller who’s set up his pitch outside. His success is not down to the organ donor but to the smart little monkey in a bell-boys uniform who’s attracting the paying punters. Hilda watches through the shop window in dismay.

Hilda- The gall of that creep! He’s selling watches right outside my clock shop.

Zelda- It would be one thing if he sold those fried cinnamon-sticks but he’s in direct competition with you.

Salem- You have to admit it’s kinda funny… in a morally bankrupt sort of way.

Spoiled Rotten

Sabrina, The Teenage Witch

Spoiled Rotten

Written By – Dan Berendsen
Transcribed By – Paul Booth

Cast

Sabrina – Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda – Caroline Rhea
Zelda – Beth Broderick
Salem – Nick Bakay
Harvey – Nate Richert
Mr. Kraft – Martin Mull
Brad – Jon Huartas
Mrs. Quick – Mary Gross
Sparky – Spencer Beglarian
Waitress – Faith Salie
Customer #2 – Steven E. Daniels
Customer #3 – Marcy Goldman

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the ABC Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Hilda hands a bag of flour to Sabrina from the larder and takes down a bag of raisins. They carry their ingredients to the counter.

Hilda- This is going to be the best community charity drive ever.

Sabrina- Yeah, every business on Water Street working together to help the victims devastated by the hurricane in Honduras.

Hilda- And all the other businesses are going to be devastated by the success of our bake-sale.

Episode LXXXI: The Phantom Menace

Sabrina, The Teenage Witch

Episode LXXXI: The Phantom Menace

Written By – Charlie Tercek
Transcribed By – Paul Booth

Cast

Sabrina – Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda – Caroline Rhea
Zelda – Beth Broderick
Salem – Nick Bakay
Harvey – Nate Richert
Dreama – China Shavers
Brad – Jon Huartas
Josh – David Lascher
Customer – Tom Novak
College Guy – Gabe Carpenter
Edgar Allan Poe – Edgar Allan Poe IV

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the ABC Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

Int. The Westbridge Undertakers. A storm brews outside that must have knocked the power out because candles are the only illumination. Eirie organ music plays. A black coffin sits alone. There’s a creaking sound as the lid opens revealing it’s satin, blood red interior. A spectral mist emanates and a yellow eyed creature with sharp fangs dressed in black emerges.

Salem- How do you like my new litter-box? He-ha-ha-ha-ha! Halloween, is it just a date on the calendar that people from England don’t know about? Or is it a state of mind? Or is it a state of be-ing? I frankly… don’t know, but come along on our Halloween journey and maybe by the end we’ll all know.

A high pitched scream chills the air.

Salem- Is this lining real satin?

Prelude To A Kiss

Sabrina, The Teenage Witch

Prelude To A Kiss

Written By – Betsy Borns
Transcribed By – Paul Booth

Cast

Sabrina – Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda – Caroline Rhea
Zelda – Beth Broderick
Salem – Nick Bakay
Harvey – Nate Richert
Dreama -China Shavers
Josh – David Lascher
Ed McMahon – Ed McMahon
B. Smith – B. Smith
Billy Blanks – Billy Blanks
Nemo – Brian Seemann
Hook – Robert Bauer
Blackbeard – Mark W. Blankfield
Folk Singer – Lenny Friedman
Queen – Patricia Place
Theresa – Ali Burns
Announcer – Zach Selwyn

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the ABC Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. It looks like Salem is being bullied by Fluffy again. Marshal arts are the way to go. His sits on Sabrina’s desk and with a…

Salem- Hi-ya!

He kicks her jewellery box onto the floor just as Sabrina enters. She takes in his headband and cut off top.

Sabrina- Let me guess, they’re doing a chorus line and you’re Catsy?

Salem- I, Salem, have taken up Tae-Bo. Instead of conquering the world I’m just gonna kick butt.

Aging, Not So Gracefully

Sabrina, The Teenage Witch

Aging, Not So Gracefully

Written By – Danita Jones
Transcribed By – Paul Booth

Cast

Sabrina – Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda – Caroline Rhea
Zelda – Beth Broderick
Salem – Nick Bakay
Harvey – Nate Richert
Dreama -China Shavers
Josh – David Lascher
Paula Abdul – Paula Abdul
Marie Curie- Pamela Dillman
Pierre Curie – Alastair Duncan
College Guy #1 – Eduardo Flores
College Guy #2 – Christopher Rob Bowen
Colette – Ginger Williams
Teacher – Pat Lentz
Student – Jorge Pallo

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the ABC Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Salem sits on the table watching his favourite video on a portable TV. Paula Abdul’s ‘Two steps forward and two steps back’ where she’s dancing with the cartoon cat. Zelda enters and watches over his shoulder.

Salem- Paula Abdul really knows how to pick a man. I love her.

Zelda- She doesn’t know you’re alive.

Salem- Well that’s gonna change. I know some people in high places who have some friends who… told me her numbers on the Internet.

Salem And Juliette

Sabrina, The Teenage Witch

Salem And Juliette

Written By – Carrie Honigblum & Renee Phillips
Transcribed By – Paul Booth

Cast

Sabrina – Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda – Caroline Rhea
Zelda – Beth Broderick
Salem – Nick Bakay
Harvey – Nate Richert
Dreama – China Shavers
Mr. Kraft – Martin Mull
Mrs. Quick – Mary Gross
Juliette – Bebe Neuwirth
Billy Luto – John Ganun
Student – Brandie Rocci
Sore Throat – Manu Intiraymi
Teenage Salem – Eric Jungmann
Teenage Billy – Patrick Ecclesine
Security Attendant – Mark Colson
Thug – Maurice Chasse
Little Old Lady – Gerry Lock
Hallie Tosis – Jeana Leslie Olivan

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the ABC Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Salem’s filling in a form and has a question.

Salem- How about a neurosurgeon?

Sabrina- No thanks, I’m in a toast mood.

Zelda- Salem’s filling out a questionnaire for his high school reunion. Apperantly, it’s a work of fiction.

Love Means Having To Say You’re Sorry

Sabrina, The Teenage Witch

Love Means Having To Say You’re Sorry

Written By – Carrie Honigblum & Renee Phillips
Transcribed By – Paul Booth

Cast

Sabrina – Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda – Caroline Rhea
Zelda – Beth Broderick
Salem – Nick Bakay
Harvey – Nate Richert
Dreama -China Shavers
Josh – David Lascher
John – Christopher Rich
Mary – Jennifer Butt
Colette – Ginger Williams

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the ABC Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Breakfast time. Sabrina comes down stairs.

Hilda- Good morning Sabrina.

Sabrina- Morning…

Wait a minute. Something’s not quite right here. She’s looking at Hilda’s body, even Hilda’s head, but the Face! Man, the face!

Hilda- What’ll it be? Egg-white omelette or oatmeal?