Sabrina’s Perfect Christmas

Sabrina, The Teenage Witch

Sabrina’s Perfect Christmas

Written By – Jon Vandergriff
Transcribed By – Paul Booth


Sabrina – Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda – Caroline Rhea
Zelda – Beth Broderick
Salem – Nick Bakay
Morgan – Elisa Donovan
Miles – Trevor Lissauer
Roxie – Soleil Moon Frye
Mr. Cavanaugh – Tom Virtue
Mrs. Cavanaugh – Molly Cheek
Chip – Craig Zimmerman
Female Elf – Cindy Sorensen
Male Elf – Arturo Gil
Guy #1 – Riley Schmidt

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the Warner Brothers Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

Int. College house. Sabrina checks the mail and reads a Christmas card with a picture of the senders, dressed in Santa outfits, on it.

Sabrina– (Reading) ‘Happy holidays, from the York family.’

Roxie– (Looking over Sabrina’s shoulder) More like the Dork family. What is it about Christmas that makes people want to wear matching outfits?

Sabrina– Oh the Yorks’ dress alike for every holiday. Last St. Patrick’s day, they were all leprechauns. Cute on the baby, disturbing on everyone else.

Morgan– Speaking of disturbing, Josh can’t come home with me for Christmas. His family is dragging him to Aruba to stay at some five star resort on the beach. Poor thing, he’ll be pining for me all week.

As Roxie and Sabrina exchange a look, Miles comes from his room with his bags packed.

Miles– Well, time for another joyous, uplifting Hanukkah with my family. Ooow I almost forgot my ant-acid.

Sabrina– Y’know, I’ve never been to a Hanukkah celebration. What does your family do?

Miles– We light candles, spin the cradle and then twelve people attack a helpless brisket. I’d better take the Amodium AD.

He dives into the medicine cabinet.

Miles– (Cont.) Well I’m off to my parents… unless I’m abducted by aliens on the way, God willing.

He leaves.

Sabrina– So Roxie, what’s your family doing for Christmas?

Roxie– The usual. We put up an aluminium tree, get take-out from Taco Bell and I watch my dad and step mom exchange cartons of Winston Lights.

Morgan– Your family exchanges cigarettes?

Roxie– Hey, It’s just not Christmas without a visit from jolly old St. Nicotine.

Roxie goes off to her room.

Morgan– I guess I should feel thankful. Next to these guys, Christmas with my family seems so normal.

Sabrina– I wish mine did. Just once I’d like to have the perfect white Christmas in the country. Ski-chalet in Vermont, sleigh rides, roasted goose, cutting down your own tree…

Morgan– (Interrupting) Throw in some home made pfeffernuesse and you’ve just described Christmas with my family.

Sabrina– Wow! Nothing says Christmas like goose and pfeffernuesse.

Morgan– Hey! Why don’t you come with me? Oh it would be so great to have a friend along.

Sabrina– Oh I’d love to, but I can’t. I always spend Christmas with my aunts and this year it’s our turn to host a huge celebration for all our relatives.

Morgan– Oh well that sounds like a lot of fun too.

Sabrina– Yeah, fun, insane. It’s such a fine line in my house.

Morgan– (Laughing) Well if you change your mind about Vermont, you’re always welcome.

She takes her mail and goes up to her room. Sabrina opens up a Christmas card from some of her relatives. It’s the pop-up kind with snow covered trees, little signpost pointing to the north pole and two elves riding a sleigh.

Male Elf– Merry Christmas Sabrina. We can’t wait to see you at your house. Love uncle Olaf and aunt Dotty.

Female Elf– Care for a sneak preview of my blubber bowl?

Sabrina– Oh no thanks, I want to have something to look forward to.

She closes the card. There a squishy sound and something ouses from the bottom of the card.

Sabrina– (Cont.) Ew! Blubber!

Run opening credits.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Hilda’s cooking. She offers Sabrina a spoonful of what she’s concocting

Hilda– Taste this.

Sabrina– (Tasting) Mmm. Eggy… and nutmegy with a slight aftertaste of… wart?

Hilda– It’s legnog. The secret is to use fresh gremlin legs, never frozen.

Sabrina– No, the secret is to ask what’s on the spoon before I let you stick it in my mouth.

Zelda– I think I’ve finally got our sleeping arrangements while our guests are here. Hilda, you’ll be bunking with me, and Salem, you’re sleeping under the stairs with cousin Ira.

Salem– Anybody but that creepy little elf!

Zelda– What do you have against Ira?

Salem– A, he stabs me with his pointy ears and B, he likes to watch me when I clean myself.

Zelda, Sabrina & Hilda– (Together) Ew!

Salem– Mm-hmm.

Zelda– Sabrina, you’ll be doubling up with the sugarplum fairy.

Sabrina– Just what I need, a twinkle-toes on a sugar-rush who grinds her teeth all night.

Zelda– Hey now, this is no time to be a gloomy-Gus. The holidays are upon us, we’re gonna have a wonderful Christmas.

Sabrina– (To herself) Yeah, a wonderful Christmas.

Faced with the prospect of the family gathering, she allows her mind to wonder off to what she would consider a wonderful Christmas. Lightly falling snow in a picturesque woodland. Sleigh-bells tinkling as the sleighs runners shoosh through the snow, Sabrina at the reins.

Sabrina & Morgan– (Singing) Jingle bells, Jingle bells
Jingle all the way.
Oh what fun it is to ride
in a one horse open sleigh. Hey!

Sabrina– Morgan, look! Baby deer. Oh they’re so cute. This is what I call the perfect Christmas.

Morgan– <gasp!> And this is what I call the perfect Christmas present.

Two handsome young guys walk up to the sleigh with skis on their shoulders.

Guy #1– Hello ladies.

Sabrina– Oh apparently Santa got my list.

Morgan– We’ll see you on the slopes tomorrow… right after we have our perfect Christmas dinner with roast goose, cranberry stuffing and eggnog.

Sabrina– Whoo-hoo! I love eggnog.

Hilda– It’s legnog.

Sabrina snaps out of her daydream to find Hilda holding the spoon to her lips.

Hilda– (Cont.) Try it again. I added a soupson of webbed feet.

Sabrina– Aunt Hilda, aunt Zelda, would you guys mind if I wasn’t here for Christmas this year?

Salem– Dibs on bunkin’ with the fairy!

Zelda– Sabrina, what are you talking about?

Sabrina– Morgan’s family invited me to go skiing with them and as much as I’d miss you guys, I’d really like to go.

Zelda– Well Sabrina, if you want to be with Morgan’s family at Christmas, we’ll understand.

Hilda– We will?

Zelda– Sabrina shouldn’t be here just because she feels obligated.

Hilda– She shouldn’t? That’s why we’re here.

Sabrina– Thanks aunt Zelda, I knew you’d understand. I gotta go call Morgan.

She dashes to the living room.

Hilda– I can’t believe Sabrina doesn’t wanna be with family at Christmas.

Zelda– Well she’s in college now, meeting new friends. She doesn’t wanna be with her boring old aunties when she could be off shooshing down the slopes.

Salem– I say our little Sabrini has forgot the true meaning of Christmas. Which reminds me, this year I’d like sturgeon and cash.

Int. Cavanaugh chalet living room. The windows are patterned with frost. a Christmas wreath hangs on the door, while stockings hang from the mantelpiece and an undecorated Christmas tree stands in the corner as Sabrina and Morgan enter bundled up against the cold. They put down their bags.

Morgan– Welcome to a Cavanaugh Christmas. (Calling out) We’re here!

Sabrina– Wow! It’s even more perfect than I pictured. You wouldn’t, by any chance, have cute baby deer running around would you?

A cute young man comes down stairs.

Chip– Hi!

Morgan– Hi!

The hug warmly.

Sabrina– Even better.

Chip– I’m Morgan’s brother, Chip.

Morgan– This is Sabrina.

Chip and Sabrina shake hands as Mr. and Mrs. Cavanaugh come down stairs.

Mr. Cavanaugh– Hey!

Mrs. Cavanaugh– Hello!

Morgan– And this is my mom and dad. Hi!

Mr. Cavanaugh– Hi

They both kiss and hug their daughter.

Sabrina– Wow, it’s great to meet you. I hope you don’t mind me tagging along with Morgan. I mean, she just made your Christmas sound so perfect.

Mrs. Cavanaugh– Well it will be now that you’re joining us. How about a cup of mulled cider to warm you up?

Sabrina– Thanks. Oh, you don’t, by any chance, have those little cinnamon thingies to stir it with?

Mrs. Cavanaugh– What do you think?

Mr. Cavanaugh– Sabrina, make yourself at home. If there’s anything ya need, just give a holler.

Sabrina– Oh I wouldn’t wanna do that, I might wake myself up.

Chip– If anybody’s interested, I’ve got the tree all ready to decorate?

Morgan– Oh, or maybe you’d like to do something more relaxing, like roast chestnuts?

Sabrina– (Excited) On an open fire? With Jack Frost nipping at my nose?

Morgan– Pace yourself. You don’t wanna peak before we deck the halls.

Mr. Cavanaugh– Hey Chip, why don’t you help the girls up to their rooms with their luggage?

Chip– With pleasure.

Morgan– (To Sabrina) Come on.

She leads the way upstairs. Sabrina follows, the laden down Chip behind her.

Sabrina– (To herself) Well it doesn’t get any better than this.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. They enter and Chip puts down her bags.

Sabrina– Wow! It does get even better.

A large room with a big brass bed and it’s own bathroom. All nicely decorated and with a few Christmassy touches added.

Chip– I’ll see you down stairs.

Sabrina– I’d like that… I mean er…yeah, sure.

He leaves.

Morgan– You can put your clothes in the closet and the bathroom’s through there, but come on. I wanna show you the view from my room.

Sabrina– Hey, your brothers really cute. Is he dating anybody?

Morgan– No. Y’know, for some reason, he just can’t seem to find the right girl.

Sabrina– Oh well maybe the right girl just needed to find him.

They leave. On the bed, Sabrina’s suitcase takes on a life of its own. Slowly the zipper starts to open and a small, black furred head pokes out to be quickly followed by its body.

Salem– Oh Phew! It’s been a long ride, I need to freshen up.

He jumps down from the bed and slips into the bathroom.

Int. Spellman dining room. Hilda and Zelda sort out the table for the family Christmas dinner, getting all the plates and utensils ready.

Hilda– I still say if we’d tied a tether to Sabrina’s back, she couldn’t have abandoned us at Christmas… and we could have had a vigorous game of tether-ball.

Zelda– I guess this really won’t be the same without her. We’re going to have to reconfigure the seating arrangements.

Hilda– Just don’t put Blitzen near the liquor cabinet. They don’t call him that for nothing.

Zelda– (Looking in the cupboards) I can’t find the dish I use for my emu casserole.

Hilda– I lent it to Sabrina. I’ll go get it, even though the last thing I wanna do is get stuck in the holiday rush.

She grabs her coat and points at herself. A large puff of smoke and a little molecular transference and she’s gone.

Int. College house. Hilda materialises staggering and with her hair in disarray.

Hilda– Oh! It’s madness out there. All right, where’s that dish?

She starts digging around in the cupboards not caring about the noise she’s making as all the room-mates are supposed to be away, but one of them is asleep on the settee with a book in her lap. The crash of pots and pans put a swift stop to that as she jerks awake disoriented.

Roxie– Whoever you are, I’m warning you, I have a black belt!

Hilda– Roxie?

Roxie– (Spotting Hilda) Okay, it’s charcoal, but it goes with the shoes. Hilda, what are you doing here? And what’s with your hair?

Hilda– A better question is, what are you doing here? Sabrina said you were at home enjoying a delightful Christmas involving cigarettes?

Roxie– I lied, I’m not going.

Hilda– Well Roxie, don’t you wanna spend Christmas with your family?

Roxie– And eat look-warm chaloopas while listening to my parents cough up a lung? Pass!

Hilda– (Sitting beside her) Well you can’t spend Christmas sitting here all by yourself?

Roxie– I’ll be fine. I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me.

Hilda– (Giving her a hug) Oh you poor, pathetic, dear.

Roxie– Like that.

Int. Cavanaugh living room. Morgan and Chip are decorating the Christmas tree, Mr. Cavanaugh is lighting the open fire and Mrs. Cavanaugh is preparing Christmas treats. The perfect family Christmas. Sabrina comes down the stairs and pauses to take in the sight.

Sabrina– (To herself) Oh if only I could freeze this moment… Actually I can, but that would be kind of creepy.

Mrs. Cavanaugh– Ah Sabrina. Would you like to help me with the cookies? I could use a hand

Sabrina– And I’ve got two. Baking cookies at Christmas time is one of my favourite things to do.

Mrs. Cavanaugh– Well isn’t that nice.

She uses a pastry cutter to cut circles of cookie mix.

Mrs. Cavanaugh– (Cont.) Of course you’re not expected to stay in the kitchen three hundred and sixty-five days a year. (Stabs down with the cookie cutter) The dutiful wife! (Harder) Trapped (Harder) Behind (Harder still) her apron!

Sabrina– Ah maybe I’ll just go and see how Chip’s doing with those lights.

She escapes from the angry Mrs. Cavanaugh and goes over to Chip who is trying to untangle a string of fairy lights.

Sabrina- Hey, need any help? Another one of my favourite things to do at Christmas time is untangle lights.

He reaches down beside his chair and brings up a large, solid ball of tangled lights.

Chip– Knock yourself out.

Sabrina– So er, Morgan tells me that you’re pre-med at Harvard. That’s great.

Chip– The truth is, I dropped out two years ago but I haven’t told my parents because I want those cheques to keep coming. Keep that under your hat.

Sabrina– No problem, as long as you promise not to do anything ending in ‘Ectomy’ or ‘Urgery’

Chip– Hey, do you wanna know another secret?

Sabrina– No, ones enough for me!

She puts down the still tangled ball of fairy lights and makes another quick exit, this time to Mr. Cavanaugh, who is still attempting to light the fire.

Sabrina– So, can I do anything?

Mr. Cavanaugh– Stupid thing wont light!

Mrs. Cavanaugh comes over still angry.

Mrs. Cavanaugh– (To Sabrina) I’ll tell you what you can do. You can show, iron deficient, John over here how to split a log! Any idiot knows you have to split a log if you want it to burn.

Mr. Cavanaugh– Oh I’ll burn somethin’ for ya! I’ll burn this whole house to the ground!

Sabrina– (Under her breath) Note to self: check smoke detector in my bedroom.

Int. Spellman living room. Hilda enters with the casserole dish and with a little stray at her heals.

Hilda– Okay, I just have to go talk to Zelda for a quick minute. Stay. Sit.

Roxie– I’m not a dog.

Hilda– I know, I just don’t want you to run away… or chew anything up.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Zelda studies her cook book as Hilda enters.

Zelda– (Reading) ‘Line pan with emu mixture, then top with cream of mushroom soup and durkish fried onions.’

Hilda– Hi.

Zelda– Hi. Oh good, you brought the casserole dish.

Hilda– That’s not the only thing I brought. I found Roxie hiding out at Sabrina’s house, so I invited her to spend Christmas with us.

Zelda– What?! Are you mad? We have relatives coming from the Other Realm!

Hilda– And a poor, pathetic girl from this realm who has nowhere to go on Christmas! She’s sitting out there like a dog.

Zelda– You know what? We could tell the relatives to move the celebration to aunt Ruby’s and you I could give Roxie a traditional, mortal Christmas!

Hilda– Great! Now we just have to figure out what that is.

Int. Cavanaugh chalet living room. Sabrina and Morgan have just finished decorating the tree and it looks very festive. The mood is enhanced by the carollers outside singing ‘Silent night’

Sabrina– Wow, it’s beautiful!

Mrs. Cavanaugh– Except for that one crooked icicle, courtesy of my inept husband.

Sabrina straightens the icicle decoration.

Sabrina– There, now it’s perfect.

Morgan– Thanks Sabrina. Look, I-I know my family’s a little nuts…

Sabrina– (Interrupting) Oh don’t worry about it. You wanna see an assortment of nuts? Come over to my house.

It looks like Mr. Cavanaugh may have made good on his threat to burn the place down as he comes down stairs with a fire extinguisher.

Mr. Cavanaugh– That’s it!

Sabrina– (To Morgan) What’s your dad doing with a fire extinguisher?

What he does is march over to the door and throws it open.

Mr. Cavanaugh– All right you whinny bunch of choirboys! I’ll give you a real silent night!

He goes after the carol singers with the extinguisher.

Sabrina– (To Morgan) Okay, your family wins first prize in the crazy contest.

Mrs. Cavanaugh– (To Morgan) Your father’s at it again! (To herself) Early new years resolution, have him committed!

She goes out after her husband.

Morgan– Oh will you excuse me? It’s usually my job to calm down the police.

She leaves also. Sabrina shivers from the chill from the open doorway and closes it.

Sabrina– Okay, this is, officially, not the perfect Christmas.

Salem– Bah humbug!

She finds him hiding in the tree.

Sabrina– Salem, what are you doing here?!

Salem– I couldn’t stand the thought of cousin Ira staring at me, so I stowed away in your suitcase. By the by, you might want to run a lint brush over your unmentionables.

Sabrina– Salem, you can’t stay here. You weren’t invited!

Salem– Nobody invited the wise men! Goow! Rum-balls!

He jumps down and runs over to the coffee table with the snacks on it.

Sabrina– You’re so out o’ here!

She raises her finger to send him home just as Chip comes out of the study..

Chip– Hey! Where did the cat come from?

Sabrina– Oh he’s mine. I’m sorry, he er stowed away… I mean he accidentally ended up in my luggage. Don’t worry, I’m going to send him home right now.

Chip– But it’s over two hundred miles, and it’s freezing out there.

Sabrina– Oh he’ll be fine. Didn’t you see The Incredible Journey? Animals do that kind o’ thing all the time.

Chip– Let him stay. I love cats.

Sabrina– But what about the rest of your family? I mean, your father can barely tolerate the carollers let alone…

She realises that her words are falling on deaf ears as Chip seems to have gone into a trance as he stares at Salem with a strange smile on his face.

Sabrina– (Cont.) Chip?

No response. She waves her hand in front of his eyes and still no response.

Salem– (Thinking) Ghe!

Int. Spellman kitchen. The sisters have got themselves a self help book from the Other Realm called ‘Mortal Christmas For Dummies’ Hilda checks it out while Zelda holds the tray.

Hilda– These are all foods mortals love at Christmas time. Candy-cane, fruit-cake and eggnog.

Zelda– I still don’t know why they leave out the leg? That’s what gives it the kick!

Int. Spellman living room. Hilda and Zelda enter with the tray of goodies to find Roxie on the settee watching TV.

Zelda– Roxie, here’s your tray of traditional Christmas goodies.

Roxie– For me? Thanks. <sniff> They smell great.

Hilda– Fabulous recipe. Got it out of Mortal Christmas For Dummies.

Roxie– Mortal Christmas?

Hilda– …More till Christmas and even more till new years.

Zelda– You’d better take your tray upstairs, you don’t wanna be awake when Santa arrives.

Roxie– Wouldn’t wanna do that. You guys are so cute!

She goes off upstairs to bed.

Zelda– (To Hilda) Well unless we wanna be up all night, we’d better get those presents under the tree.

They both point at the tree and a huge pile of gift wrapped parcels appear beneath the Christmas tree.

Hilda– Phew! I’m exhausted. Thank goodness Christmas comes just once a year.

They both flop down onto the settee.

Int. Cavanaugh chalet, Sabrina’s bedroom. She’s alone at last with her cat.

Sabrina– What a nightmare. If I’d wanted to see a freak-show, I would have stayed at home.

Salem– I’ll give you a nightmare. A full grown man staring at you for three hours without blinking!

Sabrina– Still, it’s gotta be crazier back at my aunts house.

To check she conjures up a crystal-ball, her new digital, wide screen one with nicam surround sound, pay nothing until 3001. She sees her aunts sitting alone on the settee eating gingerbread men, drinking legnog and singing.

Hilda & Zelda– (Singing) Deck the halls with bows of holly
Fal-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la….

Sabrina– Where is everybody?

Hilda & Zelda– (Singing) Tis the season to be jolly
Fal-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la…

Sabrina– There is no drunken reindeer! No-no-no hyperglycaemic fairies?!

Salem– No cousin Ira!

Sabrina– I can’t believe it! The one year I decide to go away and they have the perfect, normal Christmas!

Salem– Let’s blow this loony log cabin?

Sabrina– But Morgan invited me, what excuse will I give her?

Salem– We hate it here!

Sabrina– Well you write the note, I’ll pack.

Salem– Got it.

There’s a knock at her door. She just has time to hide her crystal ball before Morgan pops her head round the door.

Morgan– Hey Sabrina, I just wanted to apologise for my family.

Sabrina– Oh no need. Y’know, your families… No need.

Morgan– I thought that if I brought a friend up here they might actually behave themselves. Apparently I was mistaken.

Sabrina– Oh well Morgan, you wont have to worry about that much longer…

Morgan– (Interrupting) I know, I know. Christmas will be over tomorrow night. Thank you for putting up with all this. There is no way that I could get through the next twenty-four hours without a good friend like you.

She gives Sabrina a big hug. Sabrina looks at Salem over Morgan’s shoulder and he realises that he is not going home just yet after all and glares at her. She gives him a ‘What can I do’ look.

Morgan– (Cont.) Well, good night.

Sabrina– Good night.

Morgan leaves.

Sabrina– (To Salem) You’d better start bathin’ now. I hear that Chip wakes up really early.

Int. Spellman living room. Christmas morning. Zelda comes down stairs in her dressing gown to find Hilda already up.

Zelda– Merry Christmas Hilda.

Hilda– Merry Christmas Zelda.

Zelda– Ha! Listen to us.

Zelda & Hilda– (Together) We sound like mortals.

They’re still laughing as Roxie comes down stairs.

Hilda– Merry Christmas Roxie.

Zelda– Merry Christmas Roxie.

Roxie– Merry Christmas.

She spots the huge pile of presents under the tree.

Roxie– Wow! I guess Santa did show up last night.

Zelda– Yep! And he brought you all these presents.

Roxie– (Amazed) Really?!

She picks up one of the parcels but Hilda takes it from her.

Hilda– Well except for that one. That one’s for me… No, I’m kidding! They’re all for you.

Roxie– I can definitely get into this holiday!

She gets down onto the floor and starts some serious unwrapping.

Int. Cavanaugh living room. Christmas morning. Mrs. Cavanaugh is already well into the rum-balls as they take it turns to give and receive presents. Morgan lifts up a beautiful choker.

Morgan– Thank you Sabrina. Oh this is so pretty.

Sabrina– Well you’re always borrowing mine, so I bought you your own.

Morgan– Then I guess I should give you yours back. Mom, open the present I got you.

Mr. Cavanaugh– If you’re not too looped on the rum-balls.

Mrs. Cavanaugh– It’s the only way to survive Christmas with you.

Morgan– I hope you like it. I think it’ll look really good on you.

Mrs. Cavanaugh opens the gift and takes out a maroon nightie.

Mrs. Cavanaugh– Oh well, this… is not exactly my colour and oh, that fabric is itchy. Wow!

Morgan looks upset.

Mr. Cavanaugh– It doesn’t matter, all she wears to bed is sweat suits anyway… and she’s still cold as ice.

Sabrina– Well I think it’ll look beautiful on you Mrs. Cavanaugh. What d’you think Chip?

She looks round to where Chip is sat out of the way staring at Salem. He doesn’t move or respond but at least he isn’t drooling… yet.

Salem– (Thinking) What is he staring at? I’m not doing anything! That guys whacko!

He starts to walk away which brings Chip to life.

Chip– Where are you going little kitty?

He reaches out to grabs Salem and lifts him onto his lap where he keeps a firm grip on him.

Morgan– Er dad.

Mr. Cavanaugh– Yeah?

Morgan– This is from me. I think it’s something that you’ll really enjoy.

She hands him his present.

Mrs. Cavanaugh– Oooh, I hope it’s a log splitter… or better yet, a real man to split ‘em.

Mr. Cavanaugh– Ha! (Unwraps the present.) Hey!

Sabrina– Wow! A signed Carl Yastrzemski picture. That’s so cool!

Morgan– I looked all over town for it. I know what a big Red Sox fan you are.

Mr. Cavanaugh– It doesn’t look like an original signature. Course how would you know you were getting ripped-off with a cheep reproduction? Boy, they saw you commin’

Morgan– (Upset) Guess I can’t do anything right.

Sabrina– Of course you can. That’s a very thoughtful gift and a very flattering picture of Yas,

Mr. Cavanaugh– I hope you kept the receipt?

Morgan gets up and runs outside on the verge of tears.

Mr. Cavanaugh– Why does she do that every time she gives me a gift?

Sabrina– Well it might have something to do with the way you say thank you. I’m gonna go get some air. Come on Salem.

Chip– The cat stays here!

She grabs her coat and goes outside in search of Morgan.

Ext. Cavanaugh chalet front porch. Sabrina doesn’t have to go far to find her friend. She’s sat on the garden bench just outside hugging herself for warmth and watching the light snow fall.

Sabrina– Hey, are you okay?

Morgan– I am such an idiot! I keep fooling myself into thinking that one year I am actually going to have a normal Christmas.

Sabrina– Yeah well, normal is relative.

Morgan– Yeah, too bad my relatives aren’t normal.

Sabrina– Well they aren’t the most appreciative bunch but… Well, y’know, I thought the night-gown was beautiful and the autographed picture, totally awesome!

Morgan– I should have given them to you. <sigh> No matter how hard I try, all my parents do is criticise.

Sabrina– Well have you ever spoken to them about the way they treat you?

Morgan– Yeah, like that would do a lot o’ good.

Sabrina– Y’know Morgan, I don’t mean to butt-in but before you write this Christmas off, maybe you should go in there and tell them how you feel? And I’m not just saying that because my tongue is starting to freeze to my teeth. I mean what’s the worst that could happen?

Morgan– Dad could spray me with the fire extinguisher.

Sabrina– So you’re wet and foamy but you’ve started a dialogue.

Morgan– Sabrina, I really appreciate your trying to help, but I just… I-I wanna get through this and get out of here with whatever dignity I have left.

A painful squeaking noise can be heard. Sabrina looks round at the window to see Salem pathetically clawing at the glass in an attempt to escape. Chip comes and catches him.

Sabrina– You’re not the only one.

Int. Spellman living room. Someone is having the perfect Christmas. Roxie, wearing a reindeer antler hat has opened yet another present.

Roxie– (Reading excited) ‘Dirges and funeral marches of the middle ages’ Tell me it has Grieg’s Elegy on it?

Hilda– The original and the re-mastered dance mix.

Roxie– You guys are the greatest! (Hugs Hilda) I’ve got something for you too.

Zelda– Oh presents for us?

Roxie– It’s nothing really, I didn’t have much time to shop.

She hands over a plain brown paper bag.

Hilda– Lotto tickets!… And Gatorade!

Roxie– When I snook out at midnight, the Seven-Eleven was the only place open.

Zelda– I love Gatorade. I’ve tried to make my own but it’s never smooth. Perhaps I’m using the wrong kind of gators.

Roxie– Hey you guys don’t have to make a big deal about the gifts. I-I know they’re not much.

Hilda– It’s not the gifts that are important, it’s the thought behind them… and you sneaking into that Seven-Eleven speaks volumes.

Zelda gives her a hug.

Int. Cavanaugh chalet living room. The Cavanaugh’s and Sabrina are clearing up the wrapping paper from the presents. Sabrina screws hers up.

Mrs. Cavanaugh– Oh no-no-no Sabrina! We can save that. Oh why waste money on gift wrap when we can use it again and again?

Sabrina– Now I’m starting to understand how you’re able to afford the chalet.

Mr. Cavanaugh– (To Morgan) Were you able to find that receipt for the Yastrzemski picture?

Morgan– I didn’t keep it.

Mr. Cavanaugh– What d’ya mean, you threw it away?

Morgan– (Angry) Dad, I thought that was the one gift you wouldn’t return!

Mr. Cavanaugh– Well I certainly can’t now!

Mrs. Cavanaugh– (To Morgan) Watch it! Watch it! Watch it!

She hurries over and takes the piece of Christmas wrapping paper that Morgan had been carefully folding, until her father had made her angry, from her.

Mr. Cavanaugh– Honey! Oh

Mrs. Cavanaugh– You’re crinkling perfectly good gift wrap! Oh great, you’ve ruined it.

Morgan– (Angry) Oh give me a break! It is a piece of gift wrap! You’ve been using it since nineteen eighty-six!

Sabrina gives her friend a pleased nod of encouragement.

Mr. Cavanaugh– Morgan, what’s gotten into you?

Morgan– All you two do is criticise! Well I don’t deserve it! And-and-and I don’t have to take it anymore! And I finally realised that, thanks to my good friend, Sabrina.

Morgan stomps off upstairs as Mr. and Mrs. Cavanaugh’s eyes turn to Sabrina.

Sabrina– Gotta go!

She heads for the stairs as well but stops after a couple of paces.

Sabrina– (Cont.) Oh but before I do, I just wanna say one thing. All Morgan is trying to do here is have a nice Christmas with her family, but you guys treat her terribly. And you don’t treat each other very nicely either and if you can’t be nice at Christmas, I don’t even wanna know what goes on here at Easter. Come on Salem.

She takes him from Chip’s lap.

Sabrina– (Cont.) We’re out o’ here.

She goes upstairs to pack.

Chip– (Calling after) No! Don’t take the cat!

Mr. Cavanaugh– I thought we were having a nice Christmas?

Mrs. Cavanaugh– Well so did I.

Mr. Cavanaugh– Yeah.

Int. Spellman living room. Zelda tinkles the ivories for the carols.

Zelda & Hilda– (Singing) Trill the ancient Yule tide carol

Sabrina and Salem enter un-noticed.

Roxie– (Singing) Fal-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-laaaa.

Sabrina– Roxie? You’re singing?

Roxie– (Caught) No I’m not! I was just clearing my throat. <cough> Fal-la-la-la-la, la-la-la <cough> la.

Sabrina– What are you doing here?

Hilda– I found her hiding at your house, so I invited her to spend Christmas with us. What are you doing here?

Zelda– Yeah, we thought you were having the perfect Christmas with Morgan’s family?

Sabrina– Well perfect is relative and, compared to them, my relatives are perfect.

Hilda– (Hugs Sabrina) I’m glad you’re home honey.

Zelda– (Kisses Sabrina) Oh merry Christmas sweetheart.

Roxie– I can’t believe you’d wanna spend the holidays anywhere else. Your aunts really knock themselves out when it comes to Christmas.

A reindeer strolls in from the kitchen. Zelda rushes over to it.

Zelda– Blitzen! Didn’t you get my E-mail about the change of plan?

Roxie– Wow! A real reindeer! You guys are amazing! I’m coming here again next year.

Sabrina– Yeah well, if you’re looking for the perfect Christmas, everything you need is here. Friends, family, reindeer, lotto tickets…?

Hilda– Oh! I won! I’m going to the liquor store to get my two dollars. Blitzen, I believe you know the way. Don’t you just love Christmas?

She and the reindeer leave.

Int. College house. Roxie enters loaded down with four large bags of presents followed by Sabrina with two tiny presents.

Roxie– Sabrina, your aunts are so generous.

Sabrina– Yeah, that’ll teach me to leave at Christmas time.

She spots Miles, who’s also loaded down with stuff. He’s cramming it into the fridge.

Sabrina– (Cont.) Hey, what’s all this?

Miles– My mother packed us a few left-overs. We have enough potato latke’s and brisket to clog all the arteries of everyone in New England.

He closes the fridge and heads for his room as Morgan comes down from her own.

Morgan– Sabrina, I just got off the phone with my dad. You will be happy to know that he is not returning the Yastrzemski picture after all. He decided to put it on his desk at work.

Sabrina– That’s fantastic!

Morgan– Y’know you’ve really made an impression on my family. In fact they want you to come back next Christmas.

Sabrina– That is so… not going to happen.

Morgan– I totally understand. Oh but Chip says, anytime you need a cat-sitter.

Salem yowels and jumps down from the counter and runs to Sabrina’s room.

Sabrina– Also, not gonna happen

Run credits


One Response to “Sabrina’s Perfect Christmas”

  1. Sabrina The Teenage Witch Transcripts « The Sabrina Transcripts Says:

    […] Halloween Scene Welcome Traveler Some Of My Best Friends Are Half-Mortal Lost At ‘C’ Sabrina’s Perfect Christmas My Best Shot Tick-Tock Hilda’s Clock Sabrina’s New Roommate Making The Grade Love Is A […]

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