Christmas Amnesia

Sabrina, The Teenage Witch

Christmas Amnesia

Written By – Frank Conniff
Transcribed By – Paul Booth


Sabrina – Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda – Caroline Rhea
Zelda – Beth Broderick
Salem – Nick Bakay
Harvey – Nate Richert
Valerie – Lindsey Sloan
Mrs. Quick – Mary Gross
Harrison – Josh Holland
Father Christmas – Kay E. Kuter
Doorman – Buddy Lewis
Little Girl – Daveigh Chase

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the ABC Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina is getting all tangled up and becoming frustrated. Fairy-lights that have been stuffed in a box in the attic for a year will do that to you.

Sabrina– Urgh! I’m never going to get these useless lights untangled!

Salem– Those lights aren’t useless Sabrina. They probably grew-up underprivileged and never got a decent education.

Zelda comes in with another armful of Christmas decorations. She’s wearing her over-the-top red and white Christmas outfit.

Zelda– Ho-ho-ho. Merry Christmas. Is everyone feeling jolly?

Sabrina– (losing her battle with the lights) Urgh! I’m just going to chop them up into little pieces and leave them in a suit-case by the highway!

Zelda– I’m going to broaden my definition of jolly and take that as a yes.

Hilda comes in from the yard sporting an even more over-the-top outfit. Her head is wreathed in a Christmas wreath with the big red bow under her chin.

Hilda– Well the lawn is fully decorated and awash in lights. I even put red noses on the flamingo’s

Zelda– That is a pretty stupid outfit.

Hilda– Oh yeah? Watch this.

She points at the wreath and it becomes a mass of twinkling fairy-lights.

Salem– So it’s true! Taste does skip a generation.

Hilda– Sabrina, why aren’t you wearing the candy-cane outfit that I got for you?

Sabrina– Self respect? Urgh! That’s it!

She throws the still tangled lights onto the floor.

Sabrina– (Cont.) I’m giving these lights the finger.

She points and the lights leap up and wrap themselves around the Christmas tree finishing off the beautiful decoration.

Sabrina– (Cont.) There!

Zelda– Oh Sabrina, you didn’t have to use magic. The point of Christmas isn’t to have things perfect, it’s to spend time with your family.

Hilda– And frustration and cursing are just part of the joy.

The lights in the house dim as power fluctuates and then it fails leaving the house in darkness except for the halo of light round Hilda’s head.

Zelda– O-ho! Circuit overload.

Hilda– U-hu, who’s the stupid one now?

Salem– Still you.

Run opening credits.

Int. Spellman kitchen. The aunt’s still in decorating mode while Sabrina’s in getting-something-to-eat mode and Salem’s in his hinting-for-presents mode.

Salem– Look! The new ninety-nine snow-boards are sleeker, sturdier and faster than ever.

Zelda– We know you want a snow-board Salem

Hilda– And the threatening letters are not helping your case.

Salem– I love this line. (Reading) ‘Makes a perfect Christmas gift.’ Man, that’s good writing.

Sabrina– Wasn’t the lawn, the roof, the living room enough? I mean, does out garbage disposal really have to be festive?

Hilda– Sabrina! You are a regular Charlie-I-hate-Christmas this year. What gives?

Sabrina– I like Christmas. It’s the constant need for family fun that’s bringing me down.

Zelda– Come on, get in the spirit.

She releases her magic and a miniature view of the world materialises over the kitchen counter. It’s dotted with millions of lights all over the world.

Zelda– (Cont.) Look at all those lights up there. People are in the holiday spirit all over the world.

Hilda– Look! There’s our house, the brightest one of all. I knew the all neon nativity scene would put us over the top.

She and Zelda high-five.

Sabrina– Unfortunately truckers keep stopping here for gas.

The world dissolves and the toaster pings. Sabrina takes the Other Realm message.

Sabrina– (Reading) It’s an invitation to a Christmas eve party. Wow! It’s at The Cauldron. The hippest, most exclusive club in the Other Realm!

Zelda– But Christmas eve is the night we have our family dinner.

Sabrina– And that differs from every other night how?

Hilda– We use the good china.

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. The school is also infected with Christmas spirit. Mrs. Quick and an elderly lady are dressed up as Santa’s little helpers handing out candy-canes to the students.

Mrs. Quick– Merry Christmas everyone, this is my mom. She came all the way from Terrahoe to spend Christmas with me and in honour of her visit, I’m cancelling all tests today.

The students cheer and Valerie and Harvey make their way over to Sabrina clutching their candy-canes.

Harvey and Valerie– (Together) Merry Christmas.

Sabrina– Yeah, if your into hyperbolae

Valerie– What’s wrong?

Sabrina– Why is everyone so darned happy?

Harvey– Well my moms morning sickness is over which means we’ll be allowed to have gravy at Christmas.

Sabrina– Ooh, the whole family sitting around the table slurping up thickened turkey drippings. That sure says Christmas to me.

Harvey– I know.

Valerie– Hey, and guess what? My aunt has hired me at her boutique and so far I don’t stink.

Sabrina– Ever heard of nepotism?

Valerie– Jeez Sabrina, you’re being a real Charlie-downer.

Harvey– Well this’ll cheer you up. Fred Ecksley just invited us to his Christmas party.

Sabrina– I could use a night away from my aunts. We must have done everything Christmassy by now.

Int. Spellman living room. Christmas preparations still continue. The aunts are stringing pop-corn on the settee when Sabrina broaches the subject.

Hilda– But you promised us that tonight you’d come a-carolling.

Sabrina– But I’d really rather to go a-partying.

Zelda– But you promised.

Sabrina– Fine! I’ll go don my gay apparel.

She heads to get her coat..

Hilda– (To Zelda) Is it me or have we been stringing pop-corn for hours and getting nowhere?

They look down at the side of the settee where Salem is sat eating the pop-corn as it reaches the end of the string.

Zelda– Salem!

Salem– I’m only eating the pop-corn ‘cause it helps me get the string down.

Zelda grabs her coat.

Zelda– Well, what song should we start with?

Sabrina– Anything dirge like.

Ext. At Fred Ecksley’s front door.

Zelda and Hilda (Singing) Tis the season to be jolly.

Sabrina– (Singing… almost) Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la. la…

She turns as the door opens.

Sabrina– (Cont.) Ahhrgh!

She’s shocked to see Harvey and Valerie and the rest of the party guests she knows from school.

Sabrina– What are you guys doing here?

Valerie– This is where the party is.

Sabrina tries to hide behind the carol book.

Harvey– We all came outside to make fun of the carollers but… now that we see it’s you. (Aside to Valerie) Help me out here Valerie.

Valerie– They’re making snow-balls out back, run.

Harvey– We’ll try and hold them off. We’ll… tell them you’re lepers. Go!

They close the door.

Hilda– Party! What fun!

Zelda– I bet they’ve got was-ale.

They make to knock on the door again but Sabrina stops them.

Sabrina– No-no! We don’t have time, I’ve got to get to reconstructive surgery.

She walks off looking worried.

Hilda– (To Zelda) Y’know what? I don’t think she’s getting any better.

Zelda– We’ve just got to double our efforts.

‘Rocking around the Christmas tree’ plays over the following.

They take her to see Santa but she looks anything but happy sitting on his knee.

They’re back in the garden building a snowman. Sabrina does the face but instead of a coal smile he wears a coal frown.

Back at Santa’s grotto it’s the aunts turn to sit on Santa’s knee. Sabrina looks embarrassed and Santa looks very happy.

In the kitchen the aunts make gingerbread houses with lots of piping. They look across at Sabrina who’s adding the finishing touches to her gingerbread jail. She gets into the spirit by a Santa cake decoration behind bars.

Back at the grotto all three witches are perched on Santa’s knee as their picture is taken the waiting children laugh and Santa less than merry with all that weight. Sabrina puts her tongue out at the children just as the flash goes off.

Relaxing in the living room Hilda reads ‘The Night Before Christmas’ Zelda reads ‘A Christmas Carol’ while Sabrina’s engrossed in ‘Crime and Punishment’.

Hilda puts up her Christmas stocking which is embroidered with her name and so does Zelda. Sabrina’s stocking is embroidered with ‘Whatever’

The music fades.

Int. Spellman living room. Salem pads his way to the Christmas tree.

Salem– (To himself) It’s Christmas eve, everyone is out, it’s time to see if there’s a snow-board for Salem.

He sees the large pile of gifts at the foot of the tree.

Salem– (Cont.)This could be it.

Later. Salem’s head comes out of the pile of torn up wrapping paper where there used to be presents.

Salem– (To Himself) Great! No snow-board.

His little yellow cats eyes alight on one he somehow managed to miss that is propped up against the wall. It illuminates his whole vision and celestial trumpets sound in his little pointy ears.

Salem– Huh! But that’s kinda snow-boardy shaped…

Just then the front door opens shutting off the lights and the trumpets.

Salem– Um er. Hurry! We’ve been terrorised by the unwrapping bandit! I must go call the police.

He dashes past the uncaring Sabrina, dodges round Zelda’s ankles and makes it to the relative safety of the kitchen.

Zelda– (To Sabrina) Salem unwrapped his presents again?

Sabrina– You expected this year to be different?

Hilda– Wasn’t that genius? The music, the costumes, the spectacle. It was sublime. Didn’t you think so Sabrina?

Sabrina– Maybe I’m a little too old for ‘Rugrats on Ice’.

She goes off to her room.

Hilda– Triple our efforts?

Zelda– I vote for giving up.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina enters to find Salem has let himself in and there’s a strange looking box on her desk.

Sabrina– What’s this?

Salem– Some delivery guy from the Other Realm dropped it off. I didn’t pay much attention because it had nothing to do with things that go fast in snow.

There’s a little tab hanging out of it and Sabrina gives it a tug. The box explodes with streamers and confetti.

Box– Yo what’s up! (Singing rap) There’s a Christmas eve party in the Other Realm.
There are some cool party people who at the helm.
You’re sittin’ in the house and it’s already started.
You was invited girl, why aren’t you at the party?

Sabrina– Oh man! The Other Realm Christmas eve party. If only I could get a little down-time from my aunts, but I know they’ll say no.

Int. Spellman dining room. Hilda and Zelda are setting out the family dinner.

Hilda– Yes.

Sabrina– Really?

Zelda– Sabrina we’ve done everything we can think of to put you in the holiday spirit. If you don’t want to eat Christmas eve dinner with us then you should go.

The door to the kitchen swings shut and the aunts look up to find they’re already alone.

Hilda– She could have said goodbye.

Int. The Cauldron Night Club. The Other Realm. Only the trendiest, most famous, most beautiful witches get in but isn’t that always the way. The Parties a-rockin’ The beats a-thumpin’ The atmospheres a-humin’ and no-ones a-carolling. Sabrina walks in wearing a slinky, shimmery black mini-dress and heals with her hair stylishly styled and is immediately pounced on by two huge bouncers.

Doorman– This is a private party.

Sabrina– I’m Sabrina Spellman, I was invited.

Doorman– Really?

He checks the guest-list.

Doorman– (Cont.) I don’t see your name on this list.

Sabrina casually points in the lists direction but the concierge pulls it away. This is the Other Realm, they’re used to witchy tricks like that.

Doorman– (Cont.) Trying to zap our name on this list are we? You are so bridge and tunnel. (To the bouncers) Take her away.

They each take and arm apiece, lift her off her feet and start carrying her out.

Sabrina– Oh but!

Harrison– Wait! I invited her.

The bouncers instantly let her go as a tall handsome young man in a stylish if somewhat shimmery suit walks forward.

Doorman– You invited her? Well Harrison, if you say she’s cool.

Harrison– She’s very cool. It’s your job to know who’s cool.

Doorman– (To Sabrina) I’m sorry Sabrina, I didn’t mean to… (To Harrison) I mean that I thought that er… (To Sabrina) If only I had er… (To Harrison) I mean…

He looks from Harrison to Sabrina.

Doorman– (Cont.) Oh.

Then turns and takes a running leap through the nearest window. The cool man walks up to Sabrina smiling and takes her hand.

Harrison– I’m Harrison, I organise the exclusive theme-parties here at The Cauldron Club.

Sabrina cant help but smile back. She’s charmed.

Sabrina– Oh I love this place, Finally, no red and green.

Harrison– You’re exactly the kind of person we wanted at this party.

Sabrina– Wait a minute, this isn’t about selling Herbolife is it?

Harrison– No-no. You’re here because you hate all that family Christmas stuff.

He leads her into the main room.

Harrison– (Cont.) And so does everyone else we invited.

Sabrina– Well I don’t hate it all. The presents are nice.

He laughs and hands Sabrina a dart and points her at the Santa dart-board.

Harrison– Here, take a shot.

She throws the dart.

Sabrina– Oh! I got him right in the eye.

Harrison– When you hit the other eye it actually bleeds.

He takes her deeper into the room.

Harrison– (Cont.) And how about that?

Sabrina– You mean the Piniada?

A paper donkey is hanging from the ceiling and a man is beating it with a giant candy-cane.

Donkey– Aw! No! Ow my spine! Ow! Come on! Not the tail!

Sabrina– (Cont.) Well that just seems wrong.

Harrison– I knew you’d like it. Come over here.

He picks up a remote and shows her a large screen TV that’s showing a Christmas programme. Carollers stand before a door as the family enjoy the songs.

Harrison– (Cont.) It’s a satellite feed of families in the mortal realm celebrating Christmas eve at this very moment. It’s priceless stuff.

Sabrina– But I’m really not into all this. I mean, you know, not all traditions are bad. For example I like the tradition of…

She looks around at the Santa dart board.

Sabrina– (Cont.) …Not doing this stuff.

Harrison clicks the remote and the picture changes. He laughs.

Harrison– Look at these two broads. Have you ever seen anything more pathetic?

The two broads in the picture are Hilda and Zelda sat at the table eating the family dinner with only a two thirds of the family present.

Harrison– (Cont.) Let’s make it more pathetic.

He presses the remote again and the sound comes on.

Sabrina’s voice– Aunt Hilda! Aunt Zelda!

Zelda– It’s Sabrina!

Hilda– She’s come home for Christmas!

They look to the door as it opens but no-ones there. They look at each other sadly.

Zelda– No, it’s just the wind.

At the club, Harrison and the other guest laugh uproariously but Sabrina’s not laughing. She feels her anger building.

Sabrina– Those are my aunts! And none of you a worthy to gaze upon them you hipper that thou, tragically trendy, irony addicted snides, smirking, jaded jerks! Gi’ me that!

She snatches the remote off Harrison.

Harrison– The remote!

She clicks a button and the picture flips off.

Harrison– (Cont.) You’re not nearly as cool as I thought you were.

Sabrina– Well I consider that a huge compliment. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to my ‘Pathetic’ Christmas.

She slaps the remote back in his hand a storms out of the club. The doorman comes up to Harrison.

Harrison– How could you let Sabrina in here? You’re job is to keep the un-cool people out!

Doorman– But-but you said… And then I thought… And then…

With a sigh he turns and takes a running jump out of the nearest window.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina comes down the stairs still in her party frock.

Sabrina– Aunt Hilda, aunt Zelda, I’ve finally decided after all that…

Wait a minute! Something’s not right here. She looks around at where the Christmas tree should have been and where the painstakingly placed decorations had been hung but it’s all gone. She walks round in front of Zelda and Hilda who are sat watching TV with TV dinners on their laps in very un-festive clothes.

Sabrina– (Cont.) What happened to all the decorations? And your holiday dinner?

Hilda– Holiday? What holiday?

Sabrina– Christmas.

Zelda– Christmas? What’s Christmas?

Hilda shrugs and shakes her head.

Sabrina– I get it, you guys zapped away all the decorations to make a point. Okay, I’ve learned my lesson. Now let’s go and have out traditional Christmas eve dinner and watch ‘It’s a wonderful life’.

Hilda– What is that, one of those new teen-slasher movies?

Zelda– Sabrina you can’t stay up late and watch TV, it’s a school night.

Sabrina– But tomorrow’s December twenty-fifth.

Zelda– I know, the start of mid-terms.

Sabrina sits on the arm of the settee next to Zelda.

Sabrina– Oh man! You guys aren’t joking are you? Come on! Christmas, Santa Clause, reindeer, little drummer boys.

Zelda reaches up and feels Sabrina’s forehead to see if she’s running a temperature.

Zelda– If you’re trying to convince us that you have a fever, it’s not working. Most illusions are more coherent.

Hilda– Now I admit we could all use a break but luckily summer vacation is only seven months away.

Zelda– And you need your rest. Good night Sabrina.

Sabrina gets up sadly.

Sabrina– Good night… and merry Christmas.

She walks to the stairs as her aunts look at each other questioningly.

Zelda– Christmas?

Hilda– Do you think she’s spending too much time on the Internet?

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. She walks in to find a very, very angry Salem waiting up for her.

Salem– Sabrina! What happened to Christmas?

Sabrina– Salem, you remember?

Salem– Whatever spell you’ve enacted doesn’t affect witch familiars.

Sabrina– I enacted?

Salem– I’m guessing you must have done something at that party in the Other Realm.

Sabrina– All I did was turn off the TV and storm out.

Salem– That wouldn’t do anything, unless you used the remote and hit the erase button.

Sabrina– I did use the remote and I might have hit erase.

Salem– Oh-no! It’s gone <Sob!> You’ve erased Christmas! <Sob!> It was my favourite gift getting holiday.

Sabrina– Wait a minute, we’re jumping to conclusions. I mean maybe I didn’t erase Christmas for the whole world, let’s check.

She copies Zelda’s spell from earlier and the globe appears hovering in her room. Not a Christmas light is shining.

Sabrina– (Cont.) Do you think maybe in a minute the light’s’ll go on and the whole world’ll yell ‘Got ya!’?

Salem– Sabrina, if you don’t reverse the spell in twenty-four hours, Christmas will be erased permanently.

Sabrina– How do you know that?

Salem– Years ago, I was at a party in the Other Realm and I erased Bobunk.

Sabrina– I’ve never heard of it.

Salem– That’s my point. I didn’t figure out how to reverse the spell and Bobunk was gone for ever. Ah the days of Bobunk…

Sabrina– (Interrupting) Salem, I’ve gotta find a way to bring the spirit of Christmas back. Maybe if I start doing Christmassy things, people will start to remember.

Salem– That didn’t work with Bobunk.

Sabrina– Stop saying Bobunk!

Int. Spellman kitchen. Hilda and Zelda come down in the morning to find Sabrina laying out the table with festive treats.

Sabrina– Merry Christmas.

Hilda– Oh that again. I’m sorry, I’m not up on the current hip lingo.

Sabrina– I’ve made you breakfast. We’ve got delicious Christmas food. Here, some eggnog, candy-cane. Give it a try.

Hilda takes a drink of eggnog and spits it back out.

Hilda– Ugh! That is disgusting, who ever heard of drinking an egg?

Zelda bites on her candy-cane.

Zelda– Argh!. Boy! I think I chipped my tooth!

Hilda– I think I’m going to be sick.

Sabrina– Valise Navedad.

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. It’s just another school day except for the girl handing out presents to everyone she meets.

Sabrina– Merry December twenty-fifth everyone.

The students look at her like she’s a bit simple. She comes up to Harvey and Valerie by the lockers.

Sabrina– Hey guys.

She hands them each a present.

Sabrina– There ya go.

Harvey– What’s this for?

Sabrina– It’s December twenty-fifth. A day to celebrate and feel merry right?

Valerie– Are you kidding me? My aunt just fired me from her store. She said it’s her slow time of the year. Now what am I going to do for money?

She opens her present and pulls out a pair of red, festively decorated socks.

Valerie– (Cont.) Thanks Sabrina. (Aside to Harvey) Hey, I’ll sell you these for five bucks.

Harvey– No thanks, my allowance got cut ‘cause my dad’s exterminating business isn’t doing well. Nobody has parties this time of year so people don’t care if their homes are riddles with insects.

Mrs. Quick comes by. Sabrina intercepts her.

Sabrina– Oh Mrs. Quick, I got you a present.

Mrs. Quick– Don’t try and butter me up Sabrina! We’re having that mid-term today. It’ll do my heart good to watch the weaker brains explode in a fleshy, fiery eruption.

Sabrina– Mrs. Quick, this isn’t like you.

Mrs. Quick– Oh you try working September to June without a break! (Sob!) I miss my family (Sob!)

She runs off down the hallway in tears.

Sabrina– (Calling After) Would a tie cheer you up?

Int. Algebra class. The mid-term exam. Everyone has their heads down working on the problems. Sabrina has her own problem to work on.

Sabrina– (Singing) Silent night.
Holly night…

Mrs. Quick– Sabrina! Stop that, we need complete silence.

Sabrina– Well that’s why I thought Silent Night would be appropriate.

Harvey– I’ve never heard of that song.

Valerie– Is it on the new Celine Deon album?

Mrs. Quick– Please be quiet and get back to your tests.

Sabrina has another idea for jogging peoples memories. She points and a pair of drum-stick materialise on her desk. She picks them up and accompanies herself on another little song.

Sabrina– Par-rup-pa-pom-pom.

Mrs. Quick– Sabrina Spellman, I will not tolerate vulgarity in this room.

Sabrina perseveres.

Sabrina– (Singing) Chestnuts roasting…

Mrs. Quick– That’s it Miss. Potty-mouth! Detention!

Int. School hallway. A crowd has formed outside the cafeteria with Harvey at the front. He bangs on the locked doors.

Harvey– Open up! We want lunch! In the name of all that is greasy and deep-fried, open this door!

Int. School cafeteria. Sabrina stands dressed up in Dickensian outfit and twirls her finger. When she’s finished she looks round to make sure all the Christmas decorations are in place, including a large Christmas tree.

Sabrina– (To Herself) Ah, if Charles Dickens ‘A Christmas Carol’ doesn’t jog peoples memories, nothing will.

She pulls the white sheet over her head like a shawl and opens the doors. Harvey and the students file in and take in the strange decorations. Sabrina goes up to Harvey and starts hamming it up.

Sabrina– Scrooge! Ebeniza Scrooge, I am your partner Jacob Marley. You’ll be visited by three ghosts.

Harvey puts his arm round her shoulder and turns to the rest of the watching students.

Harvey– See? This is because she’s hungry.

Valerie– Why would someone cut down a perfectly good tree and bring it indoors?

But Sabrina’s ready for act two. She’s put on a top-hat.

Sabrina– Bah! Humbug!

Valerie– Please go away.

Act three requires a too large cloth-cap and a crutch.

Sabrina– God bless us, everyone.

Mrs. Quick– Sabrina, I’m afraid your suspended until the proper mental health professionals have been contacted.

Sabrina– But no-ones had their Christmas goose.

Int. Graftons department store in downtown Westbridge. Santa’s in his grotto. Or rather sat on a chair in the middle of the sportswear department. He has an unusually high voice.

Sabrina– Anybody wanna sit on my lap? It could bring back a beloved holiday. Hey little girl, wanna sit on my lap? You can tell me all the presents you want.

The little girl stares at the strange bearded girl in the silly outfit.

Sabrina– (Cont.) Come on, sit on my lap. Come on! How can it hurt? Sit on my lap. I said sit on my freakin’ lap!

Little Girl– Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!

She runs off terrified and Sabrina stands up dejected. She picks up the basket of treats from beside her and as she turns she comes face to chest with a cop.

Sabrina– Oh! I can explain… See, she was… And er… It’s because… I… Urrrr!

She takes a running jump right through the nearest window.

Int. Spellman living room. Zelda and Hilda answer the door. There’s a cop and a strange little white bearded gnome there.

Policeman– Is this your niece?

Hilda steps forward and pulls down the gnomes beard. Sabrina smiles up at her.

Hilda– We’re not sure.

Policeman– She was at Graftons department store causing a major disturbance. I was gonna arrest her but I decided to bring her here and put her in your custody.

Sabrina– Because you’re so full of the holiday spirit?

Policeman– (To the aunts) She’s talking crazy, merry this, happy that. If I were you I’d check her urine.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina lies on the bed but sleeps the last thing on her mind.

Sabrina– Times running out. I feel terrible.

Salem– You! Did you see the size of that snow-board?

Sabrina– I’ve gotta find someone, anyone in this world who remembers Christmas.

Salem– How about Father Christmas?

Sabrina– Is he real?

Salem– As real as actual Christmas. I guess right now that’s not such a good example. See if he’s in the witch pink-pages.

Sabrina stretches across for the Other World phone book.

Sabrina– He’s listed!

She tears out the page and heads for the door.

Salem– You’re lucky, there was no Father Bobunk.

Ext. The Other Realm. Down by the river, just over the troll bridge Sabrina comes upon a very English elderly bearded gentleman and his family fishing on a beautiful sunny day.

Sabrina– Father Christmas?

Father Christmas– Hmm?

Sabrina– I’m Sabrina Spellman, the girl who erased Christmas. Please don’t be mad.

Father Christmas– Oh Mad? My dear girl thanks to you we’re having our very first real family vacation. My wife Mumsey Christmas.

The smiling white haired woman nods at Sabrina.

Father Christmas– And the little tykes, our grandchildren, Binkie, Bunnie, Bupsie, Winnie, Minnie, Mopsie and Fred.

They are all dressed alike in old fashioned summer suits and all perfectly groomed and behaved except Fred is sat at the end picking his nose.

Sabrina– Isn’t Christmas important?

Father Christmas– But so is spending time with your family hey? Look how many fish I’ve caught. See? Ho-ho.

He holds up a string of fine looking trout.

Father Christmas– (Cont.) After a time one does get used to the smell.

Sabrina– Couldn’t you help me get Christmas back? I mean as a favour? I didn’t wanna mention this but my country did save your but during world war two.

Father Christmas– I’m afraid I can’t help you Sabrina. Only you can undo what you’ve done.

Sabrina– Thanks anyway.

She gets up to leave.

Father Christmas– M-hm. Ta-ta.

Sabrina– And I’d put some sun-block on these pastey kids.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina paces while Salem complains.

Salem– No Christmas, no hope for mankind and you didn’t even bring me a fish!

Sabrina– It’s eleven o’clock, Christmas is almost gone for good. Maybe now Harbour day’ll come into it’s own.

She slumps down into an arm-chair and pulls out a cushion that’s digging awkwardly into her back and dumps it on her knee.

Hilda and Zelda come in putting their coats on.

Zelda– We’re going to the pharmacy, it’s the perfect time of year to wait in a prescription line.

Salem– It’s snowing really fiercely out there, conditions are hazardous and life threatening. Pick me up a Nut-rageous bar, okay.

Zelda peers out the window.

Zelda– Salem’s right, it’s really coming down out there.

Hilda– Well I suppose I can wait another day to get my face-cream. (To Salem) No comments from the peanut gallery.

They remove their coats.

Zelda– (To Sabrina) Honey are you okay? We’ve been worried about you.

Sabrina– I’ve just been realising that there are some things you don’t miss until they’re gone.

Salem– (Wistfully) Like a snow-board.

Sabrina throws her cushion at Salem but misses and hit Hilda.

Hilda– Hey!

She throws it back hitting both Sabrina and Zelda.

Zelda– Oh!

She picks up another and throws it at Hilda.

Hilda– Oh!

Who throws it back at Zelda only to be hit by one from Sabrina. A full blown cushion fight breaks out with everyone laughing and having fun.

Salem– Someone’s gonna end up crying, probably me <Sob!>

Later. The three witches are slumped panting on the settee and arm chair.

Zelda– I’m starving.

Sabrina– Last one in the kitchen makes the sandwiches.

Sabrina had an head start but Zelda grabs the back of her sweater and pulls her back. Hilda gets her arms round her and pushes her back onto the settee.

Int. Spellman Kitchen. A triumphant Zelda passes the winning post first, beating Hilda and Sabrina by a neck but it’s a photo for second..

Hilda– (To Sabrina) You’re last!

Sabrina– No you’re last!

Zelda– Let’s ask the judges.

She raises her hand and a long buzzer sounds.

Zelda– (Cont.) You’re both last.

Sabrina– Fine, aunt Hilda and I’ll both make the sandwiches.

Salem– I’ll take tuna.

Sabrina points and a bread board appears on the counter with all the makings. The losers get to work. Sabrina picks up the mustard and squirts it on a slice of bread then quite deliberately squirts a bit onto Hilda’s hand.

Hilda– Hey!

She wipes the mustard off her hand and dabs it on the end of Sabrina’s nose laughing. Sabrina retaliates with a squirt that ends up down the front of Hilda’s sweater. As Hilda fights back with the ketchup bottle Zelda tries to break them up.

Zelda– Ladies!

And gets the ketchup all down her front. A good old food-fight ensues with much hilarity

Salem– Dive! Dive!

Later. The messy witches sit at the table surveying the damage breathless with laughter.

Zelda– Oh I’m still hungry.

Sabrina– Fine, you guys clean up and I’ll make the sandwiches.

Hilda– Done.

And it is with just a wave of her finger.

Sabrina– Thanks, now you guys go wait in the dining room.

Zelda– You know what? I’m glad we got snowed in.

Sabrina– Me too

Hilda– I’m pretty sure I ruptured something but yeah, it was fun.

The aunts head for the dining room and Sabrina makes the sandwiches the witch way. It’s less time consuming and a lot less messy.

Sabrina– You know Salem? Father Christmas was right. All the hoopla of Christmas isn’t as important as spending time with your family.

There’s a tingle of magic in the air all around the world as Sabrina walks through into the dinning room.

Int. Dining room. Sabrina enters wearing a deep maroon hooded evening gown just as Hilda is serving out the turkey. The sandwiches have vanished and her aunts are delighted to see her.

Zelda– Sabrina! You’re back!

Hilda– You decided to spend Christmas eve with us after all! That’s so wonderful.

Sabrina– It’s not Christmas eve… Christmas! You said Christmas!

She notices the spread laid out on the table with an indrawn breath and Salem who she had just left in the kitchen sat in his special chair. She runs round the table excited and lifts him into her arms.

Sabrina– (Cont.) Come on Salem.

Int. Spellman living room. All the decorations that her aunts had worked so hard on are back to the delight of Sabrina as she enters.

Sabrina– The tree! It’s here! Oh and the decorations are incredible!

Salem– I’m so happy that Christmas didn’t suffer the fate of Bobunk.

Hilda and Zelda– (Together) What’s Bobunk?

The door-bell rings and Sabrina answers it.

Valerie and Harvey– (Together) Merry Christmas.

Sabrina– You don’t know how happy I am to hear you say that.

They have a group hug.

Harvey– We just thought we’d stop by and give you your presents so we can get back to our families. Moms letting us have coffee too.

Valerie– And it’s rumoured that my parents have branched out from the traditional pyjama and underwear gifts. Why are you smiling so much?

Sabrina– Because… Because…

She looks around not sure what to say. Then she sees another reason to smile.

Sabrina– (Cont.) Because Harvey’s under the mistletoe.

She makes a beeline for him smiling brightly.

Zelda– Anyone want some eggnog?

Hilda– Me! I love eggnog.

They all take a glass from the tray Zelda as brought.

Sabrina– This is great. All the people I love most in the world together under one beautifully over-decorated roof.

Zelda– Well I think this calls for a toast.

Sabrina– To family, to friends, to Christmas. It’s back and better than ever.

They clink their glasses and drink.

Int. Spellman Living room. Christmas morning. Everyone’s up in their dressing-gowns and opening presents by the tree.

Sabrina– Hey! This one’s from Father Christmas.

Zelda– Oh cousin Chris sent you a present, how thoughtful.

Run credits.

Sabrina– We’re related to him?

Hilda– Distantly, you kind of forget about it until he needs money.

She holds up the old picture he’s sent.

Sabrina– Robert E. Lee? Must be a clue to the family secret. I can never get enough of these. (Reading from the card) Dear Sabrina, thanks for the vacation. Once Christmas returned I knew you’d figured out what I was trying to tell you about family. Merry Christmas, happy new year, joyous Bobunk. Speaking of Bobunk, where’s Salem.

Something small and black whizzes down the stairs on a snow-board and out through the front door. They hear a desperate cry for help.

Salem– Sabrina! Stop this crazy thing!

There’s a crash.

Salem– (Cont.) Oof! Spine! Spine!

They all leap up to laugh and point.


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